PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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