Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
