It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
