Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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