So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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