she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
