also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
