The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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