I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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