Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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