omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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