You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
