My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
