Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
