dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
