writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
