I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
