I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Randomize
