Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
