pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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