FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
time to smoke my breakfast
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
