she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
