I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
