She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
