So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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