I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
