Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
