I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
