Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
