My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm always down for nudity.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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