The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
