oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I faked an abortion last night.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
