I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
