you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
