I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
