After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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