Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
