I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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