Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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