At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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