Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
this is an emotional support booty call
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
