I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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