4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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