I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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