you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
