Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
