So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
