At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
