"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We smell like vodka and hangover
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