What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
